


Explosive Pies and Acid Pinatas

by liliaeth



Category: Scarlet Spider (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 21:30:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliaeth/pseuds/liliaeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brooding on Christmas, the Kaine story</p>
            </blockquote>





	Explosive Pies and Acid Pinatas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [derogatory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/derogatory/gifts).



> So so much thanks to lilacsigil for betaing.

Kaine tried to ignore the girl’s constant talking. It wasn’t her fault that her excitement annoyed him so much. She meant well. She was a child, and all she wanted was to enjoy Christmas like any other child her age. Oh sure, she'd deny being a child, being all of fifteen or so, but she was so much the kid that Kaine himself had never been.

But that didn’t mean he wanted her to buy him a Christmas gift.

Or to hear her go on and on about what he might want.

It didn’t help seeing everyone be happy and Christmassy. It only reminded him of how much he didn’t fit in with any of it. It just showed him that the family he’d thought he had, wanted nothing to do with him. 

When they heard someone scream for help, he was almost happy to be able to run back and play the hero. Pretending to be like Peter, acting as if he wasn’t the monster anyone with any sense knew that he really was.

Yet despite his best intentions, he couldn’t help but be surprised to find two guys in Halloween outfits fighting one another. They seemed familiar, but then again, that could just be the skull masks. The two idiots were fighting about something, while a third guy dressed in a three piece suit and a Santa hat was trying to sneak away. Kaine couldn’t fault the third man for his common sense.

“It's mine!”

“Oh really?”

“If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even have known it existed.”

“If I hadn’t let you in on that job, you wouldn’t even have heard of it!”

Kaine started to wonder if he should even get involved. Might be that if he stayed back, the two idiots would take one another out. 

But of course, that’s the moment that the two of them finally noticed him and turned their attention his way. And he had to do anything he could to avoid a full on hit from a stream of some kind of silly string and a bunch of explosive pies. Who the fuck were these idiots? It was like fighting a bunch of stage magicians-slash-clowns straight out of the Simpsons.

“Well I guess we can share, right brother?” one of the two clowns asked. Kaine could practically see the grin under his mask.

“Share and share alike I always say.” 

Kaine managed to avoid another hit, while desperately trying to keep the men’s victim from becoming a splat on the alley wall.  
The guy was holding a small suitcase chained to his wrist, which was probably what the two Halloween rejects were after in the first place. The chain was probably the reason the guy hadn’t just dropped his cargo in the first place.

“Wow it’s the brothers Grimm.” Kaine heard in the background, groaning as he realized that Aracely had just joined the party. Just in time for her to almost be hit by a bunch of eggs… Eggs, seriously. Alright, eggs filled with a corrosive acid, it turned out as they hit a wall instead of Aracely, but still, eggs?

“Always fun to meet one of our adoring fans,” the first of the two idiots said as he lifted up in the air on some kind of cloud. “Especially during the holidays. “

“Yes, it fills my heart with joy to bring presents to the world.” The other one threw a bunch of knives at Kaine. Kaine managed to stop them with some webbing, before grabbing a garbage container and throwing it at the two idiots, hoping to distract them enough while he jumped in to kick the crap out of both of them.  
Soon he was stuck in a barrage of explosive pies, silly string, knives coming out of nowhere and other things too ridiculous to mention.

“It’s so nice to see family make up,” Kaine snarked, already hating himself as the words left his lips, hitting one of the two brothers in the face with his fist, while managing a kick against the other one at the same time. 

Jokes were Peter’s thing, damn it. Aracely was smiling at him, which meant that she wasn’t going to let him forget it. 

Kaine tried to stay as serious as he could while webbing up the two idiots. He wondered who they were supposed to call to handle two supervillains in Mexico, especially while trying to keep a low profile. Their victim didn’t seem too upset, and he even offered his Santa hat to Aracely, who happily wore it as they left the scene. It seemed like she’d managed to give the two criminal brothers an extra dose of sleepiness before she was done, chattering happily about the rest of their ‘vacation’. Sometimes he wondered if her lack of memory was a curse, or a blessing. She never seemed to get just how serious their situation really was. As long as she got to have fun along the way, it was all good for her. He wished he could be as naïve.

He tried not to think too hard on it, but it was weird, how even in a place like this, Christmas seemed to be everywhere. Not the American version of it of course. But there were candles, piñatas, children playing ancient Christmas games and the streets were filled with music and happiness. All combined with some commercialization that managed to squirm it’s way in wherever American media and influence tended to touch. 

When they finally found a place to stay, Kaine stared at his phone, wondering what he was supposed to do now. In the end, he looked through the numbers there. The ones he should just erase. Annabelle, Wally, Donald. The people he had dared to think of as friends. The people he'd gladly sacrificed his life for. And Peter, the one person in the world who might understand better than anyone. Peter didn’t pick up of course. Too busy. In the end Kaine didn’t leave a message, not sure if what he wanted to say should be said any other way then in a face-to-face meeting. 

Instead he just got Aracely some presents, paid for with what they’d gotten from the last bunch of crooks he’d beaten the crap out of. He even got a her a Christmas piñata. 

She got him an ugly sweater

The joy on her face was almost worth it.

The end


End file.
